Fashion, Satire

5 melbourne inner-north style stereotypes

I have very fond associations with Melbourne's inner north - Fitzroy was the first suburb I resided in upon moving to Melbourne. 

Prior to moving to the epicentre of gentrification I resided in a teeny town in Queensland that is part of Australia's most conservative electorate.  I'd been counting down the days until I would graduate high school and begin my undergraduate degree at the University of Queensland.  Alas I was disappointed by what awaited me which was essentially just incredibly cliquey, homophobic girls from the country competing to see who could eat the least a meal times.  I was immediately taken by the idea of moving to a more challenging, progressive city.   

Relocating to Fitzroy, although exciting, was initially a challenging experience. I became intrigued by clothing's role as a social marker and how's there's an unspoken, implied formula for dressing to whichever group you desire to fit into.  

Fashion's role as a social marker has increased tenfold since the rise of social media.  In a climate where one's instagram aesthetic is their persona and follower count is a currency - branding and marketing oneself becomes of the utmost importance (especially if you have dreams of being featured on Vice).  It then becomes easier and easier to gauge how one should behave with said individuals based on their social media accounts.  

What's interesting is the various fashion formulas - I don't believe style is something innate I believe it's something learned.  You can manipulate and change your style based on who you want to interact with and how you wish to be perceived in society.  

Which all seems very sociological and serious for an article that is ultimately one massive self drag.  Without further ado here are the top 5 inner-north style subgroups:

the bdsm matrix 

This is the quintessential 'I devised a clear, concise way to brand myself instead of developing a personality' subgroup.

+ 10 points if they're signed to a modelling agency that brags about being progressive yet only seems to sign gigi hadid lookalikes

favourite pieces

high waisted camouflage pants (especially that orange/red colour way), white cotton corset, leather pants, red puffer jacket, chunky ass platform black boots

favourite places to shop, that one sex store on Brunswick St that has an expansive range of chokers and dog collars.

style icons 

sarah snyder, marilyn manson

the chav/slav appropriators 

In defense of this group their aesthetic is basically current high fashion streetwear to a tee.  Additionally they are the least likely of the five groups to pretend they don't know you, despite having been introduced multiple times. 

favourite pieces

tns, bum bags

favourite places to shop

hype dc, nike (primarily the melbourne central store for its close proximity to the state library), perks and mini, ssense

style icons


the seaside linen lady

This group is compromised primarily of the future Northcote mums.  If I had to make an educated guess 80% of the people in this group are majoring in gender studies at Melbourne uni.

For reasons unbeknownst to me there is always half a papaya featured in 90% of their photographs.  Perhaps a purely aesthetic accessory, perhaps an ode to their fitspiration filled past. 

favourite pieces

linen apron dress, off the shoulder ruffle sleeve top (plus ten points if it's in mustard), platform sandals/slides, suede mules

favourite places to shop

sister studios, gorman

style icons


the early 2000s daddy issues 

This subgroup has a lot less consistency with branding themselves - it could be due to more authenticity or less dedication.  What's pretty perplexing is their incessant complaints about being broke yet still living under their parents roof & dime.  A fun game to play when surrounded by these individuals is to guess who their favourite on 'The Simple Life' was.  Determining whether they consider themselves a Paris or a Nicole may aid your ability to have a decent interaction. 

favourite pieces

Anything with the playboy logo, fake Burberry, unforgiving midriff and/or garments over-embellished with diamantes. 

favourite places to shop

depop, o-mighty

style icons

Paris Hilton, Hello Kitty

the 'minimalist' (borderline basic bitch)

It is in fact the stereotype I believe I fit into.  While I'm not going to pretend it's extraordinarily original; I do believe, compared to all of the aforementioned, it is the most nuanced, universally stylish aesthetic.  However of course I think it's the best if it's the stereotype I subscribe to.

favourite pieces

levis 501s in that one particular blue hue (you know the one i mean), black turtleneck, culottes, black loafers/brogues, well-used beige tote bag 

favourite places to shop

PPENNYLANE selling fb group, COS, Incu

style icons

alexa chung, chloe sevigny


Fashion, Satire

A CLAIRvoyant's 2018 trend predictions

2017 was the year for appropriating Chav culture.  Fortunately the passing of another 12 Gregorian months often means we can strive to implement new trends.  Below are some suggestions for garments that I believe will blow up in 2018.  Perhaps track some down and give your knock off von dutch crop top and tns a much needed rest.   

long denim skirts

Thanks to Chloe this early 2000s fashion staple is being brought back and much like my food portions it will be big.  Before her devastating departure from the role, Chloe's creative director Clare Waight Keller delivered one of the most phenomenal fashion shows of our time, SS16.  In my opinion the SS16 Paris show single-handedly brought back the long denim skirt and wide leg, baggy jeans. 

above L-R: Miu Miu denim maxi skirt, See by Chloe pleated denim maxi and Vetements x Carhartt denim maxi

where to look for inspiration

Chloe SS16 Paris Fashion week, Lizzie McGuire 

wear it with 

Pair a long denim skirt with a high neck tee.  The juxtaposition of the prudish skirt length and casual nature of the shirt will result in an effortlessly stylish, polished look. 

As much as I loved the millennial pink takeover, there's a new bish on the block.  It's time to welcome lavender with open arms. 

I received the tip off for this forthcoming trend from my effortlessly stylish, endlessly angelic friend Amelia.  

The beautiful thing about colour trends is you can purchase one piece in a style you consistently wear and implement it into your wardrobe with ease. 

above L-R: Gucci blazer, Marni button up and Holzweiler scarf

Where to look for inspiration

Young Thug's 'Jeffery' album cover

wear it with


The final and most adoptable trend is inspired by both Alexa Chung's fashion line and the much cherished Skins character Cook.  I've decided of my own volition to go ahead and announce that polos are going to be big in 2018.  

One thing that really attracts me to polos is the ability to dress it up or down and play on some traditional working class uniforms.  Particularly I love the reminiscence of public school uniforms in Australia.  

For me one of the most wonderful things about this trend is the fact it's an ode to my lower middle class origins. 

above L-R: Alexander Wang metallic polo, Tibi wool blend polo and ALEXACHUNG red ruffle sleeve polo


Where to look for inspiration 

Cook from Skins, Lil Yachty 

wear it with

mom jeans for a casual look or leather culottes for full fashionista get up